Tharoor bugged with PC for repeat 'thanks'

Far from being angry with his party leadership for not backing him over his twin arguments of being a mentor to Kochi’s team keeping Kerala’s interests at the forefront and having made no financial gains in the entire stand-off with Lalit Modi, or even upset with Modi himself for having created a controversy causing him to lose his ministerial post, Shashi Tharoor is seething with rage with the non-stop thanks Home Minister P Chidambaram is sending him for having shifted the national, media and political attention away from the Naxal-State war, Sedition and Perdition found.

“I understand that any serious political observer would not bother with the IPL when the very issue of a country’s sovereignty is involved; and hence, the sudden shift of public attention away from the Dantewada massacre of CRPF jawans must be a relief for him, but I was polite enough to acknowledge his courtesy when he first came to me and thanked me,” Tharoor told SedPerd, saying he saw it as a highly insensitive even if sweet gesture.

“But when he ran into me again at Parliament courtyard when I was rushing to answer media queries, he smiles at me and pats me on the back, saying, ‘Hey Shashi man, thanks so much. But for you, I would have been doing what you are doing right now’, and I was like, hey, take it easy man,” Tharoor told SedPerd.

“I was rushing that evening to media studios when he called me not to wish me best of luck but to offer thanks again. ‘I can’t help thanking you Shashi, but for your heroic controversy, I would have been on the firing line… no, not the Naxal fire, but the media and political fire… thanks so much.’ I was furious enough with PC to give him a piece of my mind, but out of respect for a senior, kept quiet,” Tharoor confessed to SedPerd.

“But that was not the end of it, he texts me during the most difficult moment in the debate when I was answering these media hawks’ query about how I had neither benefited financially nor was I incompetent to handle my position, and hence the question of my offering to resign did not even arise. Now guess what? I get a text from PC… ‘thnx man Shashi, but for u, I wud be having to say that. Gratitude.’ I would have almost uttered a swear word on live TV,” said Tharoor, confessing his innermost thoughts.

“Hearing media speculation that I might have to face the axe from the Prime Minister himself, Chidambaram again texts me, saying, ‘all the best bro, but for you, I have little doubt who wud be meeting the PM right now’. I felt that was it,” he bared to SedPerd.

“Yet, this was not enough for our PC. On returning from my meeting with the PM, I find, yes, guess what, a page from a Home Ministry document on some strategic meeting to combat Naxalism with courage, with a smiley on the plain side, with a big ‘Thnx’ and ‘Guess Who?’ Come on, now, who would put it on my car’s dashboard… surely not Lalit Modi or Sharad Pawar?” he screamed at SedPerd, who were taking down notes of this fictional interview furiously.

“I really hope he persists like this on his job or something,” said Tharoor in visible fury. “After the Parliament was adjourned with the opposition baying for my blood, I go to the canteen when the waiter gets me a black coffee, pre-paid, with a ‘Many Thanks… for taking away all my troubles’ written on the coaster, and yet another smiley on the tissue paper. Is this guy real or what?” asked Tharoor.

Though not keen on confronting PC over this ‘silly sympathy series’, Tharoor has not finalised ways to end it. “There I was announcing my resignation to the media and the next day debating on my stand on the IPL standoff, and yes, I was receiving those silly, ‘great show Shashi man, thanks. I mean it, bro’ texts from him. I wish I had not given him my number at all,” he added.

Considering various ways to keep away from PC, including staying away from Parliament, leaving Delhi for a long holiday, spending some time in Kerala, or getting a new mobile number, Tharoor eventually dismissed them all.
“Anyway, the info would reach our great Home Minister as an intelligence input, right? No, I guess I have to suffer this… but now, I have to go and teach him how to Tweet. Yes, he asked me for it as a favour… guess he will not start Tweeting thanks to me or something. God, save me, can you?” he said, tears in eyes, walking away. “I should have won the secretary-general elections, I think.”

SedPerd agreed, and rushed to Tweet excerpts of the upcoming column to its 14-odd followers.