PM calls for ceasefire, peace talk, between Congress Ministers

In a major development of national significance, in a move that promises to change the contours of conflict in the nation’s highest echelons of politics, Sedition and Perdition found out that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has called for an immediate ceasefire and invited all warring parties for peace talks in New Delhi, over which he would preside.

“I invite all warring political parties to instantly announce a ceasefire, if only for 72 hours, to facilitate peace talks and to build a platform for long-lasting peace and harmony,” the Prime Minister announced, revealed fictional sources in the PMO exclusively to SedPerd.

“He was, of course, referring to all his Cabinet colleagues and senior party leaders, who are at war with each other,” the sources clarified to SedPerd. “This has no reference to the peace talks or ceasefire called for by the Home minister… in fact, the peace talks to be conducted by the Prime Minister between all senior ministers and party colleagues has to succeed for any call by the home minister to the Naxals, or any other development in any ministry in the country has to succeed.”

According to sources, this important development is a result of the long-standing conflict engaged in by all the ministers in the UPA government, ironically, all belonging to the same party, leading to controversies of various scales and levels.

“The peace talks will begin after Digvijay Singh, Mani Shankar Iyer and P Chidambaram give up arms against each other and undertake a ceasefire for 72 hours. We will also hope to bring in former minister of state Tharoor, Union railway minister for Bengal Mamata Banerjee, minister of Chinese business environment Jairam Ramesh, among others to these talks, or so the Prime Minister hopes,” SedPerd’s fictional sources in the PMO said.

Ruling out any threat to the government from allies or the Opposition, after completing its first year in office, UPA II think tanks have earlier met and discussed various other means of solving the problem, but after all other measures failed, the Prime Minister decided to step in and take matters head on.

“The central government is firmly in the saddle, thanks to our allies like the CBI. We see no threat, save from our own senior leaders and cabinet ministers,” they said.

“We were starting to congratulate each other on the total lack of credible opposition or alternative to us from the perspective of either voters or political partners. Never did we believe trouble could be so homegrown,” PMO sources told SedPerd.

However, immediately after the idea of peace talks came up, all hell broke loose, again. Mamata Banerjee ruled out participating in talks in Delhi, claiming it was a Communist ruse to divert her attention away from Bengal. “First they cause a stampede, now this. Let the peace talks be held in Kolkata, while I fight the real battle with the CPM.”

Welcoming the call for peace talks, Chidambaram told SedPerd, “I have the highest regard for the Prime Minister, but if I have to attend any talks to which Digvijay Singh is a party, I will do so only if my keen supporters from the BJP are allowed.”

Dismissing the possibility of the talks succeeding, Digvijay Singh told SedPerd that he would rather directly talk to the Naxals about development than talk to a "certain intellectually arrogant minister, who is hell bent on getting all our CRPF men killed".
Political watchers welcomed the peace talks initiated by the Prime Minister but would not comment whether it would succeed or if the ceasefire would hold for a reasonable amount of time.

“It is only a matter of time before either Jairam Ramesh takes on other Union ministers, or environment, defence and foreign affairs engage in another match. No, as long as there is no threat to the government from its allies, much less so from the Opposition, the Congress leaders will create their own battles and fight it. Ask Rosaiah about that, if you don’t believe us,” they told SedPerd.